Today was one of those days that started out flat. My spouse and our kids are visiting my in-laws on the island. I had to work, so opted to stay home and look after the dogs – who are great roommates by the way. I have been more achy the past few days and that has been dampening my mood. I like to be alone when I feel this way.
I had heard a couple years after a mastectomy, one can develop upper chest and neck pain. I guess things are shifting and pulling. For several reasons, mostly work related, I won’t be doing my reconstruction surgery until next winter. Somehow I hope reconstruction will take care of these aches and balance my body out again. To be totally honest, my weight gain hasn’t helped matters.
I decided to treat myself to a mineral bath using salts I had bought from a local spa. While languishing in the salty water I realized that I have put on a lot of weight since chemo – a lot of weight. How did this happen? How did I let myself get to this point? Granted I am far from “My 600 Pound Life”, I have become my worst enemy. However, instead of breaking myself down, I took it all as a wake up call. My cancer is gone. The mourning is over. Now is the time to rebuild. I have made these battle cries before – all I need to do is read my older posts. The time is right. The weather is beautiful. I have a bike, roller blades, swimming gear, running shoes, and access to some of the best terrain in Canada. Whatever I choose to do, it has to be fun. I love to have fun. If I can combine that with weight loss, then I am smoking. Actually, I won’t be smoking, that would be the worst thing I could do for my plight, what I mean is that I will be successful.
The reason I haven’t been successful in getting my weight down to a healthy level is that I have not really tried My heart wasn’t in it. Looking back, I really have been in what I can best describe as a mourning period after cancer. I just wanted to be still. I don’t feel that way anymore. At least I don’t feel that way today.
Something I will do differently this time is focus on joy and fun. I won’t think about the number of pounds, the holes in my belt, my cholesterol, my cardiovascular system, etc… I will think about getting out there and doing something fun. All I need to do is find something fun. What a great goal!